Some women need to be physically overpowered by their man. They need to know without any doubt that resistance is futile. And they can only discover that by resisting, and experiencing the futility of that resistance. They need to be able to be their strongest, most powerful self, and yet still be overpowered by their man. They need to know that the man has the ability to control them actively, and that a bit of resistance won't make him crumble, sulk, or stomp off in a tizzy. They need to know that his control is not all talk. This can be very annoying or frustrating for some men. If a woman claims to be submissive (though note that many american women do not claim to be submissive!) why doesn't she just do what he says and submit? Does she want him to dominate her or doesn't she? Why should he control her if she does not submit? Isn't it disrespectful of her to resist?
1. Introduction
2. A product of american culture
No, actually, it is not disrespectful, it is necessary. Not for everyone – evidently there are many women in the online dating community who do not resist and who feel no need to do so – but in online dating world, many women do resist, and need to resist, and actually, many men here actively prefer a resistant woman, as Eric put it. Whether the need to be bodily overpowered is inborn or a product of our culture, it is undeniable that many women in our culture feel that need. Biologists might say that it is about testing the man's strength to ensure that he will be able to protect the woman and her children. Religious people might point to Genesis 3:16, "Your desire for me for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Some might say that women desire to be raped and ruled by men. Others might say that being bodily overpowered creates more emotional intensity and more pleasure than when a man does not do that.
3. Being a strong woman
Whatever the cause, it is a fact that many (though not all) american women feel a strong need to resist and to be thoroughly and completely overpowered. They want ‘non-consent’ – actually consensual non-consent. Being thoroughly overpowered enables them finally to relax, to feel peaceful, to experience the man's control as being real and reliable, not just a game. And it is fun! Whatever do some men have against wrestling and overpowering the woman they love? Where is the fun in having a doormat yes-woman for a wife, when you can have someone a bit more challenging and interesting and fun? Just how fragile are their egos, anyway?! OK, OK, forgive me – that was a terrible joke: it is not that their egos are fragile, they merely have different preferences.
4. On the other hand...
Just don't think that all men have the same preferences, because they don't! Some men actively prefer a resistant woman. Many men enjoy the challenge and do not feel threatened by a strong woman who needs to be overpowered. They enjoy making the woman see that resistance is futile. If you are a woman who doubts this, do talk to men on this site, and read the quotations section. Don't think that you have to give up this aspect of yourself in the name of (pseudo-)submission. The real thing is so much better, so much deeper, so much more fulfilling – for the man as well as for you.
5. It does apply to me
I thought the same thing! I did exactly what you suggest, and he did like it. For two months I did it. But when I started backing off to give him room to exercise the control he liked so much, he never picked up. Maybe two months wasn't enough. I wasn't looking for perfection, but just for him to want something of me. You posted under another article Sarah that perhaps he was tired of hearing about Loveawake dating site and I should back off. I will do that. I've sent some very thought provoking articles and emails to him. He'll need time to read and figure out what they mean to him. I'm going to wait on him.
6. The circle of submission
I thank you for this web site.The guide lines offered here are essential for discovering the freedom to be true men and women. Discovering freedom inside the circle of submission is almost against the law in the USA. The media bombards the average household with the notion that the woman is the leader and the man is the weakling in the background waiting for the woman's command. You have the government suggesting the woman is victimized and the media suggesting the woman is the head of house with the weak husband in the background.....Women in the USA are very confused by this and the outcome is depression for them
7. Conclusion
I can totally relate to where you're at because I'm in a pretty similar place. The Beast was used to being dominated by past mates, and "beaten" into submission by social expectations of what a relationship "is supposed to be". It's taken a lot of time and patience on my part to get him to a place where he's comfortable exercising his control. We've been together two years, I've been talking with him about this type of relationship dynamic for almost three, and it's only been a few months since he really found his "groove". I also had to realize that I was trying to force my ideas of what our relationship should be on him. That I had to back-off, and let him figure-out how he wanted things to be. And that in doing so, I wasn't being less than I can be, I was being exactly what I wanted to be. Submission isn't "really" submission when you're doing it on your terms. Funny thing, when I finally stopped fighting it, and gave in to his form of control, he started controlling things in the way that I was looking for as well.